Shrugging of Those Bits of Doubt

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Getting home from work yesterday, the light was just right peaking through this stand of trees.
Getting home from work yesterday, the light was just right peaking through this stand of trees.

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Joel’s Journal - Entry #74 - 13/1/2017

I know I talk a big game, and for the most part, I keep it positive vibes most of the time, because that’s just the way I am. However, ff you want some life advice from a guy who really isn’t in a position to give it, but has a journal and a keyboard, well, then I’ll give you some.

For me, it just doesn’t really make sense to view things in a negative way.

Sure, bad shit happens. Bad shit happens to everyone. And we all deal with that in different ways.

Having a pessimistic attitude all the time though, and worry and fretting and believing that things are never going to work out, well, that kind of thinking I just ignore.

Who does it serve?

The only way we’ve every accomplished anything in life is by believing that we could do it. There are times where you don’t flat out think to yourself that “I believe I can pass this test” or “I believe I can finish this work” but a part of you knows you can, and knowing and believing go hand in hand.

So, for me, believing that all of the things that I want to accomplish are eventually going to become a reality for me, well, that’s just the way I operate.

However, there are times when that attitude is hard.

I spent most of the day in the office today finishing up a few stories and preparing for the weekend. On Monday, our last day before the newspaper goes into production, I will be mostly tied up in meetings at city hall, so I won’t be able to get any work done until much later in the afternoon. To save myself a last minute rush at the deadline, I wrote the majority of my content that was ready to go and put it out of my mind.

With me covering a couple of assignments this weekend, I left the office early and headed back to my apartment. I had the night to myself, as M would be working until late, so I tried to figure out how best to spend my time.

It’s during these long stretches of open hours that I find it easy for these thoughts of doubt to creep in. I don’t know why. Logic would tell me that it should be the opposite, I’ve got all this time to just line up these tasks and crush them one by one. However, I usually find myself meandering from task to task, dabbling in searching for freelance work, then when that gets too hard, moving over to editing some fiction, then when I get sick of that I move over to editing photos. It’s a very ineffective way of getting things done, but it seems my brain just tries to expand to fill the space, and wrap itself around all the tasks at once.

Eventually, I realized I was getting nothing done, and moved over to strictly focusing on photo editing, and getting my top photos of 2016 arranged for a post to come next week. Once I set my mind to that, I was locked in for about four hours before I shut the computer with bloodshot eyes. Yet, I felt good, like I had accomplished what I set out to.

With that done, I poured myself a glass of chilled white wine (sadly, all the beer is gone), then flopped onto the couch to finish my book. Currently, it’s Stephen King and Peter Straub’s Black House. It’s a book I started late in 2016, but being an 800 word brick, it’s taken some time. When I turned the last page, my wine glass was empty, and so were my energy stores.

I hope you all had a fantastic Friday night. Tomorrow (Saturday), I’m going to get up at a decent hour to do some editing before an afternoon assignment at Durham College. Unfortunately, I have to wait until late tomorrow night to see M as she works again. On the bright side though, it gives me something to look forward to.

For now though, make sure you do what you love, and do it well.

Thanks for reading!

J.J.W.

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