Joel’s Journal – 12/09/2015


Thoughts on a bad day

I used to have these days all the time.

A day where nothing much of anything happens. There’s no earth shattering revelations, no big decisions, no long steps, everything right down the meals you ate are just bland, like you’re eating life’s leftovers.

The day has been reheated, diced, reused and relived so many times it’s just mush.

You drive a drive you’ve driven so many times you’ve lost count. You drink the same coffee. Check the same emails. Worry the same worry about how much time you spend sitting in your office. Want the same beer at the end of the day. Read the same book in the same bed at the same time before you fall asleep. And close your eyes thinking about the same thing, the same person.

Life’s not a sitcom, I know this. It’s not like you can just have moment after moment of something happening, some new love interest, some new big storyline to keep viewers (or blog readers) interested. I know it doesn’t work that way.

Though that doesn’t change that I’m sure many of us wish it was.

It just makes a guy feel like he has no idea what he’s doing some days.

I know it’s just a feeling. I can reason that out enough in my head. Feelings are hard to ignore sometimes though.

I want to blame it on my lack of writing, but I think that’s a bad habit of mine. Whenever I’m feeling bad about something I just blame it on whatever I’m working on at that time, and on the other hand, I can blame my lack of writing on not being in a good mood.

It works pretty well, but it’s a cop out, and a vicious cycle, and stops me from actually dealing with what is bothering me in the first place.

And to be honest with you. I have no idea what that is.

I’m perfectly happy with my job…Okay, maybe I should stop there. Every time I go to write something about myself, my job is always the first thing to come out. Always. I think if we went back and checked most of the posts I’ve written we’d find I’m right.

I’m happy with work, you get it, I get it, my brain obviously gets it, but what about everything else?

That, I don’t really want to get into. Thoughts for another time.

Another day.

Thanks for reading,