Feeling It Once Again

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A title logo that is perhaps a little more fitting to the nature of these journals. Rough, quick and kind of artsy? Let me know what you think!
A title logo that is perhaps a little more fitting to the nature of these journals. Rough, quick and kind of artsy? Let me know what you think!

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Joel’s Journal - Entry #127 - 3/6/2017

I couldn’t really believe it myself when it was all said and done.

For nearly seven hours, I’d been at the computer writing. The early morning light filtering in through the office windows had changed to the harsh light of noon hour before I stepped out for lunch, when I returned and zoned back in, it was nearly 5 p.m. before I looked up again. 

Nearly 10 stories had flowed through my fingertips by the time I closed my laptop on topics ranging from fruit orchards and chemicals to kill beetles (I mentioned these two random topics before) to the police trying to combat fentanyl distribution and the Oshawa Generals weekend road trip.

The strange thing is, I never once had that feeling of doubt that I wasn’t going to get it all done.

You’ll know that feeling I’m talking about, that creeping doubt that usually slinks in like a bad smell right before you’re about to get to work, or in those seconds when you take a step back to make sure you’re on the right track.

The doubt will whisper in your ear that perhaps you aren’t in fact on the right track. Might as well just give up now, it says.

Today, that voice never even made it through the door.

Perhaps I was just in some journalistic sweet spot created by an overdose of caffeine and a looming deadline like a piano over a sidewalk.

Or maybe I’m just getting stronger.

Dig back through these journals, flip through those electronic pages with your mouse and I’m sure you’ll find a few titles with the word “doubt” headline front, and dig a little deeper and you’re guaranteed to find a little more.

Here, let me help.

Yup, a quick search through my nearly 400 posts has found 13 of them mentioning some form of doubt that I was dealing with. The earliest coming back in 2014, the latest only two months ago, where the word is smack right there at the top.

So clearly, it’s something myself and a lot of other creatives and writers deal with on a daily basis. I think it comes with the territory. The act of creating something new and sharing it with the world is inherently scary and the fear of failure or being made fun of is something ingrained in us to avoid. None of us want to be banished from the tribe.

But to be honest, I think the only way a creative can be successful is if they banish themselves from the tribe. How the fuck else are you supposed to stand out?

I guess that was a bit of tangent from my original point, but I’m once again writing that I can feel myself gaining strength or gaining skills, and I don’t want to say it’s about time, because I don’t want to sound too righteous, like the world owes me something, but I just want to tip my hat to the universe for showing me a little love.

I see you universe, and thanks.

To all of you here, thanks for reading, and be sure that on this lovely Tuesday you make sure to do something that you love and do it well.